Late Night Laughs

Ok, so instead of apologizing and giving excuses about why I haven’t been writing lately I have decided to make you laugh instead…enjoy.

cyanide and happiness crack

And just so you know, I laughed for an inappropriately long time at this.

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Run For Your Life!!!…My Love/Hate Relationship With Running

So, I’m sitting here at my computer in full workout garb fully intending on going for a run….you know, after I’m done procrastinating by writing and editing this post.  Not to mention that I got up at 8 AM with the best of intentions but sat on Pinterest and Facebook “for a few” and it is now 12 in the afternoon.

Running is the one excersize that I love AND hate the most.  When I’m running it’s like I am the fiercest, strongest, baddest bitch in the world…I can go forever, and then I hit my second mile and I’m pretty sure I’m going to die.

I will say running the best therapy.  Pounding the pavement, or the rubber track on the treadmil in my case, clears my mind and gives me one of the best endorphin highs I have experienced, and I feel so damn accomplished when I run a full 3 miles.  It’s like I can outrun all the zombies and Kenyans in the world.

Not only is it good for my mental health, but (DUH!) it’s good for my waistline and overall healthy too!!  Out of all of the workouts I have done over the years – running flattens out my tummy faster and more effectively than anything else (I haven’t tried swimming, but I’m sure that would be pretty good too) I just feel good when I am running on the regular.  So why don’t I keep it up you ask?

The downside for me is that it’s hard.  It’s hard and I’m lazy…that’s not an excuse, it’s just the sad truth.  If I could just buckle down and keep it up – even if I’m tired or lazy, then I know it would be a piece of cake (maybe I shouldn’t use the word cake….mmm), so I’m going to give it a try…I’m going to challenge myself – I promise, I Julia will run AT LEAST 2 miles 4 times a week.  That’s not a lot so I should be able to pull it off.  Wish me luck people!! I’ll need it!

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Insomnia, What a D*ck.

Sometimes, I just know when I don’t have a chance in Hell at falling asleep. Sometimes, my insomnia will just sneak up on me around 1:30 AM, talking smack like “Oooh you thought you were tired did you??!!  Well, think about this – can you make a mental list of all the meals you want to cook this week?”  or “What if the zombie apocalypse started tonight?  Are you prepared? What’s your plan?” or “Hey, what if you or a close loved one got cancer?  Feelings? Ready, set, go!”  What a f*cking douche-bag right?

If my insomnia were a person, I imagine he would wear Affliction tees, have a steroid problem and take issue with strong independent women.  Maybe he has a gambling problem too….and he’s a dead beat dad, yeah.  I bet he parks in handicapped parking spots, or no, better – he’s the guy that parks his BMW diagonally across three spots in the lot so no one “dings” his door (side note: if you are someone who does this, and I happen upon your vehicle, you are in serious danger of having your car keyed the F up).

Do you know when I thought this description up?  If you guessed between the hours of 2AM and when the sun began slowly rising in the morning sky, congratulations, you’re right!

Sometimes this jerk turns me against other people, like my boyfriend (anyone sleeping near me while I’m wide awake will do).  He says things like “look at this asshole fast asleep ova here!  He’s dreaming peacefully while your staring at the ceiling.  Don’t you just wanna ‘accidentally’ slap him while you’re ‘rolling over’??”  or “How dare he snore! He’s the one keeping you up, not me!  Why don’t you just give him a quick jab with your elbow to shut him up?” 

I’ll admit, he gets the better of me most nights.  Just when I think I’m in the home stretch and my eyelids begin to feel weighted, my cat will give him a helping paw by hopping up on the bed, sitting on my chest, kneading and purring loudly in my face.  That’s when my insomnia will rear his ugly juice-head.  Any excuse to keep me up, torturing me with my own thoughts and imagination.

It’s not all bad though; sometimes I get the best ideas in the wee hours of the morning.  Actually, I thought about starting a blog during a sleepless night and I wrote my about section at around 5:15 in the morning.  If only my brain could be as productive during the day as it is from 2AM-6AM, maybe I would be a billionaire by now.  I guess that’s something I can ponder later, while I’m trying to sleep.

Much Like a Gremlin, You Should NOT Spill Water on Your Laptop.

Sorry I’ve been MIA on my blog lately, but as you can probably tell from the title of this post, it’s surprisingly not due to procrastination, but rather because I knocked a glass of water onto my laptop.  Fortunately, I was able to get it fixed, but it did take a few days to get it back.

This should teach me an important lesson on how to take better care of my stuff, especially the more expensive and delicate items.  Sadly though, I know myself better than that.

I am a hot mess when it comes to taking care of my things.  I lose jewelery and iPods and just about anything else that isn’t nailed down or attached to my body.  In fact, Tom likes to make fun of me because I’m really good at losing my glass of water in our 900 sqft apartment.  I recently got a surge of “DIYness” and made a pair of jean shorts out of a pair of old denim – I realized later that my $90 Bose headphones were right under said jeans before I whipped out the scissors and cut them right in half.   My last laptop really got hit really hard by me….right after I purchased it, about 7 years ago, I spilled red wine all over it (while it was closed thankfully) and stained the outside but, it didn’t cause any other damage.  Then, about a year ago I dropped it on my bathroom floor and cracked a piece of the bottom right off.  I kept using it even though I was constantly getting stabbed by the jagged plastic edges.  By the time I finally brought the poor thing in, it was covered in electrical tape, the entire motherboard was exposed and it was covered in stains and scratches.  I told myself, “Self, with this new laptop, I’ll be careful – I’ll by a case, and a keyboard cover, I swear!”, but did I do that?  Nope.

I am going to try to be better with taking care of my baby now though.  It was sooo hard annoying to live without a computer for a week and a half.  I mean, sure I have a smart phone – but it’s just not the same.  How am I supposed to write a blog from a smart phone?! I mean, come on!

Plus, Tom and I had a hell of an adventure trying to bring the Mac home yesterday.  We picked it up and dropped off in the trunk of the car so we could grab a bite to eat.  When we got back to our spot the car was no where to be found.  My stomach dropped.  I was already picturing masked bandits making their getaway, high-fiving and whooing while haphazardly waving my computer out of the sunroof – the computer that I just payed $100 dollars to fix….Then I noticed the small red and white sign that stated NO PARKING from 2PM – 6PM…the car was towed.  We spent the next few hours locating the car, getting to the tow yard by bus, and then waiting on a nice long line to get it out of impound.  Fun day.

I know I’m still going to eat and drink while I’m typing, watching TV and talking  on the phone.  I know that I will still carry my laptop with one hand while narrowly avoiding tripping over my cats.  I know that I’ll absent-mindedly leave it on the edge of the table and then walk away, but maybe this time will be different.  When I got home from the debacle that was yesterday, I hopped on amazon, in hopes to prove to myself that I can be a responsible adult, and bought a (really cute) hard case and keyboard protector.

In the future I’ll try to be more mindful with my things, but for now, I’m just glad Gremlins aren’t real, because you better believe I would be spilling water ALL over them too.

Image                                                                             (This may as well be my laptop….)