Serving Up Style (Part I)

So, if you have been following my blog, you already know that I have been planning a few projects for my home (if not, you can see what I’m talking about here).

Well, unfortunately one has been delayed…the most important one.  The bathroom.  I had already started work on the project, taking down the towel bars, toilet paper holder, and toothbrush holder and filling all the holes in the wall, but I was informed by Tom’s mother, who lives in an apartment below us that there is a leak, so I have to hold off until a plumber comes to check everything out.  Depending on the outcome, the work I was planning may change entirely and we may (fingers crossed!!!) end up with an entirely new bathroom, which would be amazing.

That being said, I did start work on another project, (the most fun one!!) which is putting together a bar.  I am super excited about this one because, it ups my apartments cool factor by like 10,000 points, I have had this idea for a VERY long time and it’s awesome to see if finally come to fruition, and most importantly it gives us some much-needed storage.

The idea I’ve had was sort-of Mad Men inspired, because who doesn’t want their home bar to be inspired but a bunch of well dressed men that get hammered all day long at work whilst remaining highly successful and a bit over promiscuous (right?). No, that’s not why, well…not completly why anyway.  I really love the look of a 60’s bar – the mid-century modern furniture, the booze on display, the sophisticated air of it all.  And the truth of the matter is we have a ton of booze that we don’t even drink and we didn’t have a place for it that was away.  It just sat out on a storage island in our kitchen getting dusty and making us look like we had a serious alcohol problem.  I’m not even joking either, my 13-year-old nephew came for a visit and when he left he said to my father, “Wow! Julia and Tom have a lot of liquor bottles, are they alcoholics?” Ha!

Anyway, last week during another insomnia induced shopping spree, I went on to Craigslist to see if I could find a reasonably priced mid-century modern credenza that would work as a bar in my space.  I found one, and at a great price too – they even delivered it right to the spot in my “dining room” where it will reside.  It’s AHH-MAZE-ING!!!  And yesterday I took a trip to HomeGoods to help accessorize it.

So as a little teaser I’m gonna show you some bits and pieces, but I can’t wait to show you the finished product!

Taffy scented soy candle

Taffy scented soy candle

Detailing on the credenza

Detailing on the credenza

Sneak peak of some decor

Sneak peak of some decor

A fine bottle of single malt whiskey

A fine bottle of single malt whiskey

Christmas decor with a hint of my favorite item - a leopard print shaker

Christmas decor with a glimpse of my favorite item – a leopard print shaker

Two bottles of sparkling peach juice and a vintage print

Two bottles of sparkling peach juice and a vintage print

Pretty peacock liners that smell like lemongrass and barware

Barware and peacock drawer liners that smell like lemongrass

Amazing sparkly teal colored dishes

Amazing sparkly teal colored dishes

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What’s on My Mind

I’d really like to write today.  It’s been a few days and I feel like I’ve got to put something out there, so here it goes.  I apologize in advance because this is likely going to end up a rambled mess since I don’t have a clear idea of what I am even writing about.  Also, I just chugged a cup of coffee and my fingers are trembling as I type.

I guess I should just sort out what’s on my mind…

I have now been unemployed for 10 months

Let that one sink in for a sec.  10 months.  That’s 2 short months away from a year.  Wow.  And what have I accomplished?  Well, aside from an amazing tan and starting a blog?  Nothing.   And for the first time in my adult life, I don’t have a plan.  No “this is what’s next” or “this is what I’d like to be doing”, I haven’t got a clue.

When I was first laid off, I thought “Wonderful, now I can finally focus on what I really want to do with my life!”  But now, I’ve come to realize that you must first know what it is that you want to be doing.  Talk about a quarter life crisis people… I honestly thought that now that I didn’t have a job, I would suddenly figure out my niche in life – as if because I don’t have all the distractions of commuting and meetings and clients, it would just fall into place, right before my eyes.

I thought going back to school was my solution, and maybe it was, but I got spooked once my bill was due and decided not to go through with it.  I’m at the point now where I feel hopelessly lost and filled with anxiety over this entire situation.  I am applying for jobs that I don’t really want, but am amply qualified, if not over-qualified for, and even that is getting me nowhere.  Apparently, no one wants to hire someone that’s been out of work for 10 months.  It’s true; check it out here.

I am lucky enough to have an amazingly supportive boyfriend, who hasn’t once made me feel inadequate or pressured about not finding a job.  I’m in a very fortunate position financially as well, since I did have a good paying job for the last 4 years and not many overhead expenses I was able to save a decent amount to keep me afloat.  For me, thankfully, this is only an existential crisis, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling like a complete failure.

Seriously…

My insomnia is back with a vengeance

If you’ve been reading my blog, then you know I have an issue with falling asleep (read this, it’s good for a laugh…).  And while I like catching up on late night TV, and reading, and contemplating the mysteries of the universe, I like sleep a whole lot more.  I’m a more productive and well-adjusted member of society when I’ve gotten at least 6 solid hours in.  The fact that my boyfriend happens to work for a reputable mattress company that’s focused on “selling sleep” is just the ironic icing on the f*ck you cake.

The fact that I have a sleep disorder is not the only issue.  An equally annoying problem is all of the good-intentioned folks who think they can cure me by giving me the most obvious advice.  Don’t get me wrong; I understand that they’re just trying to help.  Besides, we’ve all done it.  We just want people to feel better.  Most human beings don’t find it sufficient to just say, “wow, that sucks” and call it a day.  Most people, in my experience, want to kiss your boo-boo and make it all better; but let’s be real – I have had problems sleeping for almost half my life, if you think I haven’t tried just about anything to fix it you’ve got to be delusional.  If I hear, “maybe you should take melatonin” or “you should try staying away from caffeine” one more time, I just might snap.

“Maybe you should just close your eyes” is another gem that makes me want to punch your lights out.

On the plus side, there has been a few nights I was glad to be awake during the wee hours of the morning.  Like 2 weeks ago when one of my friends got in at 4:30 AM and decided to drunk-skype with me.  I mean, to think I could’ve missed out on that because of sleep?!  Ah, who am I kidding, sleep would have been fantastic (it was pretty entertaining for about 30 minutes though…).

When I have been sleeping, I’ve been having the craziest and realistic feeling dreams.  Last night, it was that I owned a jaguar (the cat, not the car) and I was worried that if I left my door open while I slept, it would eat my face.  That was the most normal dream I’ve had in a month.

Fortunately, I know that my sleep “issues” come in cycles, and it seems that it’s winding down.  I have actually gotten a decent nights’ sleep for 6 days in a row now.  For now, I’ll take that as a win, but nonetheless it’s something that has been on my mind.

I’m not nearly as “fit” as I’d like to be

This is one of those issues that I’m sure many of you out there can relate to.  It’s also one of the most self-deprecating areas of my life.  I am a very confident person. I know I have a fun personality, I know I’m reasonably good-looking and I know I’m relatively smart.  When it comes to my body however, well, there I am just full of insecurities and self-hate.

I blame myself, I always have.  Starting as a pre-teen, and up until I was about 19 or so I struggled with bulimia; and though that is a much longer and more complicated story than I am prepared to go into a the moment, I will say, that I still struggle with the same thoughts and feelings about my weight and body as I did then, even if I don’t go through the process of bingeing and purging.

I am currently the heaviest I have ever been in my life.  I feel ashamed and disgusted by this fact.

Even though my I tend to put the full blame on myself, I know this is not entirely in my control.  Right around the time I was laid off, I was diagnosed with PCOS or Polycystic Ovary Syndrome.  I had never gotten a consistent period without the use of birth control, and once I went off of it, I quickly put on 15 pounds that I have been unable to lose, despite my calorie tracking and work outs.

I know if I really put all of my effort into my workouts and diet I can achieve success, but sometimes it’s hard to push through when I just want to give up.  It’s beyond frustrating to feel like my body just won’t work with me and to know that this will likely be a life-long struggle.

The scale says, “nope”

So there you have it.  These are the 3 things that have been plaguing my thoughts lately and steadily driving me into crisis mode.  I know this wasn’t the most cheerful of posts and I’m sorry if I came off as a complaining, unmotivated, mess – but right now, that’s kind of where I’m at and I just needed to vent it out. These problems may seem insignificant to some of you, and you’re probably right – It could definitely be worse and I’m thankful that it’s not.  I just have to keep one foot in front of the other and try not to get seduced by laziness to get though this.  I’ll get there someday, I’m sure of it.

Insomnia, What a D*ck.

Sometimes, I just know when I don’t have a chance in Hell at falling asleep. Sometimes, my insomnia will just sneak up on me around 1:30 AM, talking smack like “Oooh you thought you were tired did you??!!  Well, think about this – can you make a mental list of all the meals you want to cook this week?”  or “What if the zombie apocalypse started tonight?  Are you prepared? What’s your plan?” or “Hey, what if you or a close loved one got cancer?  Feelings? Ready, set, go!”  What a f*cking douche-bag right?

If my insomnia were a person, I imagine he would wear Affliction tees, have a steroid problem and take issue with strong independent women.  Maybe he has a gambling problem too….and he’s a dead beat dad, yeah.  I bet he parks in handicapped parking spots, or no, better – he’s the guy that parks his BMW diagonally across three spots in the lot so no one “dings” his door (side note: if you are someone who does this, and I happen upon your vehicle, you are in serious danger of having your car keyed the F up).

Do you know when I thought this description up?  If you guessed between the hours of 2AM and when the sun began slowly rising in the morning sky, congratulations, you’re right!

Sometimes this jerk turns me against other people, like my boyfriend (anyone sleeping near me while I’m wide awake will do).  He says things like “look at this asshole fast asleep ova here!  He’s dreaming peacefully while your staring at the ceiling.  Don’t you just wanna ‘accidentally’ slap him while you’re ‘rolling over’??”  or “How dare he snore! He’s the one keeping you up, not me!  Why don’t you just give him a quick jab with your elbow to shut him up?” 

I’ll admit, he gets the better of me most nights.  Just when I think I’m in the home stretch and my eyelids begin to feel weighted, my cat will give him a helping paw by hopping up on the bed, sitting on my chest, kneading and purring loudly in my face.  That’s when my insomnia will rear his ugly juice-head.  Any excuse to keep me up, torturing me with my own thoughts and imagination.

It’s not all bad though; sometimes I get the best ideas in the wee hours of the morning.  Actually, I thought about starting a blog during a sleepless night and I wrote my about section at around 5:15 in the morning.  If only my brain could be as productive during the day as it is from 2AM-6AM, maybe I would be a billionaire by now.  I guess that’s something I can ponder later, while I’m trying to sleep.